I feel so pinned and I want to die?

I am 23 years old, and I've been in the mental hospital 19 times. I don't even know what all I have. But right now, I am having a problem with anorexia again. I want to starve that crap out of myself, but ultimately, I want to starve myself to death. It doesn't feel like life is worth living. I had anorexia severely last summer, then I got agoraphobia, and now I am starting to battle anorexia again, so I am going off of my meds for fear they will wreck my stomach. I know how stupid that sounds since I want to die. I don't know what to do. No one wants me. No one ever has. I feel fat and ugly. I know I am going to spend yet another holiday alone. Everyone else will be partying with their friends and all. The girl that I most recently had a crush on said she doesn't like me in that way, and stormed out of here this morning after kind of an argument we had. I thought for once I'd have someone to spend the holiday with, but I guess I was wrong. I feel so empty. I don't want to go back to the mental unit because that is where I met her, and weirdly enough, I think it would be bad for me. I don't know that I'd ever come out again. Advice, anyone?